Overcoming Fears

A practical resource for understanding fear and supporting confidence and wellbeing

Important note
This resource and the accompanying worksheets are educational tools, not replacements for professional mental health support. If fear significantly limits daily life or feels overwhelming, seeking professional support is a sign of strength.

Introduction: Why This Matters

Fear is a natural and necessary part of being human. It exists to protect us from danger and help us respond quickly when something feels unsafe. However, fear can sometimes become excessive, persistent, or disconnected from real risk — limiting confidence, freedom, and wellbeing.

Many people feel ashamed of their fears or believe they should simply “get over them.” This often leads to avoidance, self-criticism, or pushing too hard too fast.

This resource is designed to help you:

• Understand how fear works
• Learn why fear sometimes sticks around
• Recognise common fear patterns
• Explore gentle, safe ways to reduce fear’s influence

The focus is on education, understanding, and gradual support — not forcing yourself into frightening situations.

What Is Fear?

Fear is the body’s response to perceived threat.

It involves:

• The nervous system
• The brain’s threat-detection systems
• Automatic physical and emotional responses

Fear is not a sign of weakness. It is a protective survival response designed to keep you safe.

Problems arise when fear activates too often, too strongly, or in situations that are no longer dangerous.

 

How Fear Shows Up

Fear can affect the whole person.

Emotional experiences may include:

• Anxiety or panic
• Apprehension or dread
• Feeling overwhelmed

Physical experiences may include:

• Increased heart rate
• Muscle tension
• Shallow breathing
• Nausea or dizziness

Behavioural responses may include:

• Avoidance
• Freezing or procrastination
• Seeking reassurance

These responses are automatic — not chosen.

Fear and the Nervous System

Fear activates the sympathetic nervous system, preparing the body for fight, flight, or freeze.

When fear is active:

• The brain prioritises survival
• Thinking becomes narrower
• Focus shifts toward threat
• Memory and reasoning are reduced

This is why fear can feel intense and hard to “think through.”

Conditioning: How Fears Develop

Many fears develop through a process called conditioning.

This happens when:

• A neutral situation becomes linked with fear
• The body learns to associate something with danger
• The response continues even when the danger is gone

Examples include:

• A bad experience leading to avoidance
• Witnessing fear in others
• Repeated stress or overwhelm

Conditioning is a learning process, which means fear responses can also be re-learned and softened over time.

Why Avoidance Makes Fear Stronger

Avoidance provides short-term relief — but often strengthens fear long-term.

When avoidance happens:

• The nervous system never learns the situation is safe
• Fear remains unchallenged
• Confidence gradually shrinks

Avoidance is understandable and protective — but it can unintentionally keep fear alive.

Fear Hierarchies: A Gentle Approach

A fear hierarchy is a structured way of understanding fear without forcing action.

It involves:

• Listing situations related to a fear
• Ranking them from least to most challenging
• Recognising that fear exists on a spectrum

Importantly, a hierarchy is not a demand to act.
It is an awareness tool that supports choice and pacing.

Understanding fear levels helps reduce overwhelm and supports gradual confidence building.

Supporting Fear Reduction Safely

Fear reduces when the nervous system experiences safety, predictability, and control.

Helpful principles include:

• Going slowly
• Choosing manageable steps
• Prioritising regulation before challenge
• Maintaining a sense of choice

Progress does not require bravery at all costs — it requires consistency and self-respect.

Helpful Tools for Working With Fear

Supportive tools include:

• Slow, grounding breathing
• Noticing fear without reacting immediately
• Staying present rather than predicting outcomes
• Building confidence through small successes

These tools support the nervous system without overwhelming it.

When Professional Support Is Helpful

Additional support may be useful when:

• Fear significantly restricts daily life
• Avoidance continues to expand
• Panic or distress feels unmanageable
• Safety feels compromised

Professional support provides guidance, pacing, and containment.

How Understanding Fear Supports Wellbeing

Understanding fear:

• Reduces shame and self-criticism
• Increases self-trust
• Supports confidence and autonomy
• Encourages safe, gradual change
• Improves emotional regulation

Education replaces self-blame with clarity.

How to Use the Worksheets

The accompanying worksheet is designed to:

• Normalise fear responses
• Increase understanding without pressure
• Support gentle confidence-building
• Avoid unsafe or distressing exposure

You may complete it at your own pace.

A Final Note

Fear is not an enemy — it is a protective system doing its best.

You do not need to eliminate fear to live fully.
You only need to reduce how much it controls you.

With understanding, patience, and support, fear can soften — and confidence can grow.

How to Access Further Support in New Zealand:

• Contact your local GP

• Dial 111 for immediate support

 • Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor

• Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP)

• Youth line – free text 234, call 0800 376 633, webchat at youthline.co.nz, DM on Instagram @youthlinenz, message on Whats App 09 886 56 96.

• Samaritans – 0800 726 666

• Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)

• Depression Helpline – 0800 111 757 or free text 4202 To talk to a trained counsellor about how you are feeling or to ask any questions

• Anxiety NZ – 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY)