Overcoming Addictions

A practical resource for understanding addiction and supporting recovery and wellbeing

Important note
This resource and the accompanying worksheets are educational tools, not replacements for professional mental health support. If addiction is causing harm, risk, or feels difficult to manage alone, seeking professional support is a sign of strength.

Introduction: Why This Matters

Addiction is often misunderstood. Many people believe addiction is a lack of willpower, discipline, or moral strength. In reality, addiction is a learned survival response that develops when something repeatedly provides relief, comfort, escape, or regulation — especially during times of stress, pain, or disconnection.

Addictions can involve substances, behaviours, or patterns that once helped a person cope, even if they later caused harm.

This resource is designed to help you:

• Understand how addiction develops
• Reduce shame and self-blame
• Learn why stopping is often harder than it looks
• Explore supportive, realistic ways to break free

The focus is not on judgment or quick fixes, but on understanding, safety, and sustainable change.

What Is Addiction?

Addiction occurs when a substance or behaviour becomes a primary way of coping, regulating emotions, or escaping distress — despite negative consequences.

Addiction is characterised by:

• Repetition
• Craving or urge
• Temporary relief followed by longer-term cost
• Difficulty stopping, even when motivated

Addiction is not about liking something too much. It is about the nervous system and brain learning that this behaviour equals relief or safety.

Addiction and the Brain

Addictive behaviours strongly activate the brain’s reward system, particularly chemicals associated with relief, pleasure, and motivation.

Over time:

• The brain learns to rely on this shortcut
• Other sources of relief feel less effective
• Cravings become stronger
• Stress triggers automatic urges

This learning happens below conscious awareness — which is why motivation alone is often not enough to stop.

Why Addictions Start

Most addictions begin because they work — at least initially.

They may help with:

• Emotional pain or numbness
• Stress or overwhelm
• Anxiety or loneliness
• Trauma or unresolved grief
• Feeling disconnected or unsafe

Addiction often starts as self-soothing, not self-destruction.

Addiction and the Nervous System

Addictions often regulate the nervous system — temporarily.

They may:

• Calm anxiety
• Reduce emotional intensity
• Create a sense of control or escape

When the nervous system becomes reliant on an external regulator, it struggles to settle without it.

This is not weakness — it is conditioning.

Conditioning: Why Habits Become Hard to Break

Addiction follows a familiar learning loop:

1. Discomfort or trigger
2. Urge or craving
3. Behaviour or substance
4. Relief or escape

Each time this loop repeats, it becomes stronger.

Breaking free requires interrupting the loop, not fighting yourself.

Why Shame Makes Addiction Stronger

Shame increases stress — and stress fuels addiction.

When people believe:

• “Something is wrong with me”
• “I should be able to stop”
• “I’ve failed again”

The nervous system becomes more activated, increasing urges.

Compassion and understanding reduce relapse risk more effectively than punishment.

Addiction as a Band-Aid for Something Deeper

One of the most important shifts in understanding addiction is recognising that it is rarely the core problem. More often, addiction is a temporary solution — a band-aid placed over something deeper that has not yet been adequately supported.

At some point, the addictive behaviour or substance served a purpose. It may have helped manage pain, create relief, or fill a gap that felt unbearable at the time. Even when addiction causes harm later on, it often began as an attempt to cope, not an attempt to self-destruct.

Seeing addiction through this lens reduces shame and opens the door to meaningful change.

Common Needs Addiction Tries to Meet

Addictions often form around unmet human needs. These needs are universal — not personal failings.

Some of the most common include:

Connection

Humans are wired for connection. When meaningful connection feels unsafe, unavailable, or inconsistent, addictive behaviours may provide:

• A sense of belonging (even if artificial)
• Predictable relief from loneliness
• A way to feel “held” or comforted

Emotional Regulation

Many people were never taught how to regulate emotions safely.

Addiction can temporarily:

• Soften anxiety
• Numb emotional pain
• Reduce overwhelm
• Create a sense of calm or control

Relief From Stress or Pressure

Chronic stress keeps the nervous system activated.

Addictive behaviours often act as:

• A shutdown switch
• A way to escape constant demand
• A brief moment of rest or relief

Safety and Control

For people who have experienced chaos, trauma, or unpredictability, addiction can create:

• A sense of control
• Familiarity
• Predictability

Meaning or Identity

In the absence of purpose, direction, or self-worth, addiction can:

• Fill time
• Create routine
• Offer a sense of identity or escape from emptiness

These needs are not wrong. They are human.

Why Removing the Band-Aid Alone Doesn’t Work

Many attempts to overcome addiction fail because they focus only on stopping the behaviour — without addressing what the behaviour was supporting.

When the band-aid is removed without replacement:

• The underlying pain remains
• The nervous system stays dysregulated
• Cravings intensify
• Relapse risk increases

This is not because the person is weak — it is because the function of the addiction has not been replaced.

Sustainable change requires asking:

“What was this helping me survive — and how else can that need be met?”

Breaking Free Means Meeting the Need Differently

Recovery becomes more realistic when the focus shifts from:

“How do I stop this?”
to
“What does my system actually need?”

This might involve gradually building:

• Safe connection with others
• Healthier emotional regulation tools
• Nervous system stability
• Meaningful routines
• Self-compassion instead of shame

When deeper needs are met more consistently, addiction often loses its grip — not through force, but through irrelevance.

Compassion Changes the Nervous System

Shame tells the nervous system it is unsafe.
Compassion tells the nervous system it can settle.

When addiction is understood as a response to unmet needs:

• Self-attack reduces
• Curiosity increases
• Capacity for change grows

This shift alone can reduce the intensity of urges over time.

A Safer, Kinder Question to Ask

Instead of asking:

• “What’s wrong with me?”

A more helpful question is:

• “What has been missing or overwhelming — and how can I support that now?”

This question builds recovery on understanding rather than punishment.

Why This Perspective Matters for Long-Term Wellbeing

Viewing addiction as a band-aid:

• Reduces stigma and shame
• Encourages realistic, sustainable change
• Supports nervous system healing
• Promotes self-respect and dignity
• Increases openness to support

People don’t recover because they are threatened or shamed.
They recover because something safer and more supportive becomes available.

A Gentle Reminder

Addiction did not appear because you were broken.
It appeared because something inside you needed support.

Learning how to meet that need — with care, connection, and patience — is the real work of recovery.

And that work does not have to be done alone.

 

Breaking Free: A Sustainable Approach

Recovery is not about force or perfection. It is about supporting the system that learned to rely on addiction.

Key principles include:

• Reducing shame
• Increasing safety and stability
• Building alternative coping tools
• Understanding triggers without judgment
• Seeking appropriate support

Change happens with the nervous system, not against it.

Replacing, Not Just Removing

Addiction leaves a gap when removed.

Breaking free requires:

• Replacing the function addiction served
• Developing new regulation tools
• Building connection and meaning

Without replacement, relapse risk remains high.

Support and Recovery Are Not Linear

Progress often includes:

• Improvement
• Setbacks
• Learning
• Adjustment

Setbacks are not failures — they are information.

Recovery is about returning to intention, not achieving perfection.

When Professional Support Is Important

Professional help is especially important when:

• Withdrawal could be unsafe
• Addiction affects physical or mental health
• Attempts to stop have repeatedly failed
• Risk or harm is present

Support creates safety, structure, and accountability.

How Understanding Addiction Supports Wellbeing

Understanding addiction:

• Reduces self-blame
• Increases compassion
• Builds realistic expectations
• Supports safer change
• Encourages appropriate help-seeking

Education replaces shame with clarity.

How to Use the Worksheets

The accompanying worksheet is designed to:

• Normalise addiction responses
• Support awareness without shame
• Encourage safety and support
• Focus on wellbeing rather than relapse details

You may complete it at your own pace.

How to Access Further Support in New Zealand:

• Contact your local GP

• Dial 111 for immediate support

 • Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor

• Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP)

• Youth line – free text 234, call 0800 376 633, webchat at youthline.co.nz, DM on Instagram @youthlinenz, message on Whats App 09 886 56 96.

• Samaritans – 0800 726 666

• Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)

• Depression Helpline – 0800 111 757 or free text 4202 To talk to a trained counsellor about how you are feeling or to ask any questions

• Anxiety NZ – 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY)