Mindset, Thoughts & Cognitive Flexibility

A practical guide to understanding your thinking and responding more effectively

Introduction: Why This Matters

We all experience stress, difficult emotions, and challenging situations. Often, it’s not the situation itself that causes the most distress — it’s how we think about it.

Thoughts influence:

• How we feel
• How stressed or calm we become
• How we act or avoid
• How resilient we are during challenges

Many people believe their thoughts are facts, or that they have no control over their thinking. In reality, thoughts are mental events, not truths — and learning to work with them is a powerful wellbeing skill.

This resource introduces mindset awareness and cognitive flexibility: the ability to notice your thoughts, question them, and choose more balanced ways of responding.

What Is Mindset?

Mindset refers to the habitual ways you interpret yourself, others, and the world around you. It shapes how you respond to stress, failure, uncertainty, and growth.

A rigid mindset sounds like:

• “This always happens to me.”
• “I should be better than this.”
• “If I fail, it means something about me.”

A flexible mindset sounds like:

• “This is hard, but I can learn from it.”
• “I don’t have to be perfect to make progress.”
• “There may be more than one way to see this.”

Mindset is not about positive thinking — it’s about realistic, balanced thinking.

Real-Time Tool: Thought Awareness

Pause and ask:

• What am I telling myself right now?
• Is this a fact, or a thought?

This tool lays the foundation for the worksheets that explore thinking patterns.

Thoughts Are Not Facts

Thoughts feel convincing, especially when emotions are strong. But thoughts are:

• Automatic
• Influenced by past experiences
• Shaped by stress and mood

Believing every thought can increase anxiety, self-criticism, and overwhelm.

Real-Time Tool: “I’m Having the Thought That…”

When a thought shows up, try adding this phrase:

“I’m having the thought that…”

For example:

• “I’m having the thought that I’ve failed.”
• “I’m having the thought that this won’t work.”

This creates distance and reduces emotional intensity.

Common Unhelpful Thinking Patterns

Under stress, the mind often defaults to predictable patterns. Common ones include:

• All-or-nothing thinking – “It’s either a success or a failure.”
• Catastrophising – expecting the worst outcome.
• Mind-reading – assuming you know what others think.
• Overgeneralising – “This always happens.”
• Self-blame – taking responsibility for things outside your control.

These patterns are not flaws — they are learned shortcuts the brain uses to make sense of uncertainty.

Real-Time Tool: Pattern Naming

When you notice distress, ask:

• Which thinking pattern might this be?

Naming the pattern reduces its power and builds awareness.

Cognitive Flexibility: What It Is

Cognitive flexibility is the ability to:

• Step back from automatic thoughts
• Consider alternative perspectives
• Adapt your thinking to the situation

Flexible thinking does not deny reality — it widens the lens.

Rigid thinking narrows options. Flexible thinking creates choice.

Real-Time Tool: Multiple Perspectives

Ask:

• What is one other way to view this situation?
• What would I say to someone I care about in this position?

This tool is central to building cognitive flexibility.

Emotions and Thoughts Work Together

Thoughts and emotions are closely linked:

• A stressful thought can intensify emotion.
• Strong emotion can narrow thinking.

Changing thoughts doesn’t mean ignoring feelings — it means supporting yourself more effectively.

Real-Time Tool: Name → Normalize → Reframe

1. What am I feeling?
2. Does this make sense given the situation?
3. What thought would help me cope right now?

This approach supports emotional regulation and mindset flexibility.

Responding Instead of Believing Automatically

You don’t need to get rid of thoughts — you just need to respond to them differently.

Real-Time Tool: Evidence Check

Ask:

• What evidence supports this thought?
• What evidence doesn’t?
• Is there a more balanced conclusion?

Balanced thoughts are not overly positive or negative — they are fair and grounded.

Self-Talk: The Inner Voice Matters

The way you speak to yourself shapes motivation, resilience, and self-worth.

Harsh self-talk often sounds like:

• “I should be better.”
• “I’m useless.”
• “This proves I’m failing.”

Supportive self-talk sounds like:

• “This is hard, and I’m learning.”
• “Progress counts, even if it’s small.”
• “I can take the next step.”

Real-Time Tool: Inner Coach Voice

Ask:

What would a supportive coach say to me right now?

This tool aligns closely with habit-building, resilience, and self-compassion work.

Overthinking and Mental Loops

Overthinking is often an attempt to gain certainty or prevent mistakes. Instead, it usually increases stress.

Real-Time Tool: Set a Thinking Boundary

When stuck in loops:

• Name the worry
• Decide one small action
• Gently redirect attention

For example:

“I’ve thought about this enough for now. My next step is ___.”

This supports decision-making without rumination.

Building Flexibility Through Practice

Cognitive flexibility improves with practice, not perfection. Each time you:

• Notice a thought
• Question it
• Choose a balanced alternative

You strengthen this skill.

Real-Time Tool: Small Reframes

Instead of:

• “I can’t handle this.”

Try:

• “This is challenging, and I’m handling it step by step.”

Small shifts make a meaningful difference over time.

How This Supports Wellbeing

Developing a flexible mindset:

• Reduces stress and anxiety
• Improves emotional regulation
• Increases resilience
• Supports healthier habits
• Strengthens self-trust

You don’t need to control your thoughts — you need to change your relationship with them.

How to Use the Worksheets

The worksheets guide you through:

1. Identifying common thought patterns
2. Separating thoughts from facts
3. Practising cognitive flexibility
4. Creating more supportive self-talk

There are no right or wrong answers — only awareness and experimentation.

Go slowly. Be curious. Practice compassionately.

A Final Note

This resource and the accompanying worksheets are educational tools, not a replacement for professional mental health support. If thoughts feel overwhelming or distressing, reaching out for help is a strong and appropriate step.

How to Access Further Support in New Zealand:

• Contact your local GP
• Dial 111 for immediate support
• Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor
• Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP)
• Youth line – free text 234, call 0800 376 633, webchat at youthline.co.nz, DM on Instagram @youthlinenz, message on Whats App 09 886 56 96.
• Samaritans – 0800 726 666
• Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
• Depression Helpline – 0800 111 757 or free text 4202 To talk to a trained counsellor about how you are feeling or to ask any questions
• Anxiety NZ – 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY)