Emotional Intelligence & Self-Awareness

A practical guide for everyday life and wellbeing

Introduction: Why This Matters

Most of us were never taught how to understand our emotions. We’re expected to manage stress, communicate well, and stay mentally healthy—yet we’re rarely shown how to recognise what we’re feeling, why we’re feeling it, or what to do with those feelings once they show up.

Emotional intelligence and self-awareness are skills that help bridge that gap. They give you practical tools to:

• Understand your inner experiences
• Respond more thoughtfully instead of reacting automatically
• Improve relationships, decision-making, and overall wellbeing

This resource introduces these concepts in a simple, practical way. You don’t need any prior knowledge—just a willingness to notice yourself with curiosity rather than judgment.

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to notice, understand, and work effectively with emotions—both your own and those of others.

It involves four key abilities:

1. Recognising emotions – noticing what you’re feeling
2. Understanding emotions – knowing why they may be present
3. Managing emotions – regulating responses rather than suppressing feelings
4. Using emotions wisely – letting emotions inform decisions without running them

Real-Time Tool: The “Name It” Skill

When an emotion arises, silently label it:

• “This is frustration.”
• “This is anxiety.”
• “This is disappointment.”

Simply naming an emotion reduces its intensity and increases clarity. This skill directly supports Worksheet 2, where emotional vocabulary is expanded.

Emotions: Not Problems, but Information

One of the most important shifts in emotional intelligence is learning to see emotions as information, not obstacles.

Each emotion provides a signal:

• Stress or anxiety → uncertainty, pressure, or perceived threat
• Anger → boundaries crossed or needs unmet
• Sadness → loss, disappointment, or need for care
• Joy or calm → safety, connection, or alignment

Emotions are not commands; they are messages.

Real-Time Tool: Emotion → Message → Choice

When you notice an emotion, ask:

1. What am I feeling?
2. What might this emotion be telling me?
3. What response would support me right now?

This tool directly supports Worksheet 1, where emotions are explored as sources of insight.

Common Myths About Emotions

Many people carry limiting beliefs about emotions, such as:

• “Some emotions are bad or weak”
• “I shouldn’t feel this way”
• “Strong emotions mean loss of control”
• “If I pay attention to emotions, they’ll overwhelm me”

These beliefs often lead to suppression, avoidance, or self-criticism.

In reality:

• All emotions are part of being human
• Avoidance increases emotional intensity over time
• Awareness creates options, not chaos

Real-Time Tool: Belief Check

When you feel uncomfortable with an emotion, ask:

• What belief do I hold about this feeling?
• Is this belief helping or limiting me?
• What’s a more compassionate alternative?

This skill supports the emotional myth reflection in Worksheet 1.

Self-Awareness: The Foundation of Change

Self-awareness is the ability to notice internal experiences—thoughts, emotions, sensations, and behaviours—as they happen.

Without it, we operate on autopilot:

• Reacting before thinking
• Repeating patterns unconsciously
• Feeling “stuck” without understanding why

With self-awareness, you create space between experience and action.

Real-Time Tool: The 3-Second Pause

When emotions rise:

• Pause
• Take one slow breath
• Ask: “What’s happening in me right now?”

Even a brief pause shifts the nervous system and opens choice. This skill underpins Worksheet 3 (Responding vs Reacting).

The Role of the Body in Emotional Awareness

Emotions live in the body, not just the mind.

Common physical signals include:

• Tight chest or shallow breathing
• Stomach discomfort
• Muscle tension
• Restlessness or heaviness
• Increased heart rate

The body often recognises emotion before conscious thought.

Real-Time Tool: Body Scan Check-In

Several times a day, ask:

• What sensations do I notice in my body?
• Are they tense, heavy, calm, activated?

This tool strengthens body awareness and supports Worksheet 2’s physical sensation tracking.

Reacting vs Responding

• Reacting is automatic, fast, and emotion-driven
• Responding is intentional, slower, and values-aligned

Responding doesn’t mean suppressing emotions—it means expressing them safely and constructively.

Real-Time Tools for Pausing:

• Take 3 slow breaths
• Relax your jaw and shoulders
• Ground your feet into the floor
• Delay responding (e.g., “I’ll come back to this shortly”)

These tools directly support Worksheet 3’s pause strategies and healthy emotional expression.

Healthy Emotional Expression Skills

Expressing emotions healthily might look like:

• Naming how you feel instead of blaming
• Using “I” statements
• Writing emotions down before speaking
• Seeking connection or support

Simple Expression Formula:

“I feel ___ when ___. What I need right now is ___.”

Practising this reduces conflict and builds emotional clarity.

Patterns, Triggers, and Growth

Over time, emotional responses can form patterns:

• Similar triggers leading to similar reactions
• Certain emotions feeling harder to tolerate
• Habitual coping strategies

Self-awareness allows you to observe patterns without judgment.

Real-Time Tool: Pattern Noticing

After an emotional moment, ask:

• What triggered this?
• What did I feel?
• What did I do?
• Is this familiar?

This tool directly supports Worksheet 4’s pattern recognition and growth planning.

Compassionate Growth (Not Self-Criticism)

Growth happens through curiosity, not criticism.

Real-Time Tool: Self-Compassion Reframe

Instead of:

• “Why am I like this?”

Try:

• “What might this part of me be trying to protect?”

This mindset supports sustainable change and aligns with Worksheet 4’s focus on compassion over judgment.

How This Improves Wellbeing

Developing emotional intelligence and self-awareness can lead to:

• Reduced stress and emotional overwhelm
• Improved relationships and communication
• Greater emotional regulation
• Increased resilience
• Stronger boundaries
• Improved decision-making

These skills don’t remove life’s challenges—but they change how you meet them.

How to Use the Worksheets

The worksheets that follow are designed to move from awareness → understanding → choice → growth.

They help you:

• Understand emotions as information
• Build emotional vocabulary
• Tune into the body
• Practise pausing and responding
• Identify patterns and take small growth steps

Move at your own pace. There are no right or wrong answers—only insights.

A Final Note

This resource and the accompanying worksheets are educational tools, not replacements for professional mental health support. If difficult emotions arise, seeking help is a sign of strength.

How to Access Further Support in New Zealand:

• Contact your local GP
• Dial 111 for immediate support
• Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor
• Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP)
• Youth line – free text 234, call 0800 376 633, webchat at youthline.co.nz, DM on Instagram @youthlinenz, message on Whats App 09 886 56 96.
• Samaritans – 0800 726 666
• Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
• Depression Helpline – 0800 111 757 or free text 4202 To talk to a trained counsellor about how you are feeling or to ask any questions
• Anxiety NZ – 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY)