Dealing with Bullying

A practical resource for understanding bullying and supporting wellbeing

Important note
This resource and the accompanying worksheets are educational tools, not replacements for professional mental health support. If bullying is ongoing, severe, or impacting safety, seeking professional or organisational support is strongly recommended.

 

Introduction: Why This Matters

Bullying can have a deep and lasting impact on mental health, self-worth, and sense of safety. While bullying is often associated with childhood or school environments, it can occur at any age and in many settings — including workplaces, online spaces, families, and communities.

Many people who experience bullying minimise its impact or blame themselves for how deeply it affected them. Others are told to “ignore it” or “toughen up,” which can increase isolation and distress.

This resource is designed to help you:

• Understand what bullying is
• Recognise its impact on wellbeing
• Normalise common responses
• Learn supportive, protective approaches that prioritise safety and self-respect

The focus is not on reliving experiences, but on understanding, stabilising, and supporting yourself moving forward.

What Is Bullying?

Bullying is repeated behaviour intended to harm, intimidate, control, or undermine another person. It often involves a power imbalance — social, physical, psychological, or positional.

Bullying may include:

• Verbal abuse or humiliation
• Exclusion or social isolation
• Threats or intimidation
• Spreading rumours or gossip
• Harassment (in person or online)
• Undermining confidence or credibility

Bullying is defined by impact, not intent. If behaviour repeatedly causes harm or fear, it matters.

Bullying Is Not About Personal Weakness

A common myth is that bullying happens because of something about the person being targeted. This is not true.

Bullying is about:

• Power and control
• Insecurity in the bully
• Group dynamics
• Unsafe or poorly managed environments

Being affected by bullying does not mean you are weak, sensitive, or inadequate. It means something harmful happened in a context where safety or support was lacking.

How Bullying Affects Mental Health

Bullying can affect the whole person — emotionally, mentally, physically, and socially.

Common effects may include:

• Anxiety or hypervigilance
• Reduced confidence or self-esteem
• Withdrawal or avoidance
• Difficulty trusting others
• Shame or self-blame
• Problems with focus, motivation, or sleep

These responses are understandable reactions to prolonged stress and threat.

Bullying and the Nervous System

Repeated bullying can activate the nervous system’s stress response over time.

This may lead to:

• Feeling constantly on edge
• Strong emotional reactions
• Shutdown or numbness
• Increased sensitivity to criticism or conflict

These are not personality traits — they are protective responses developed in unsafe conditions.

Why Bullying Can Be Hard to Talk About

Many people struggle to talk about bullying because:

• They fear not being believed
• They worry about being judged
• They’ve been told it “wasn’t that bad”
• They feel ashamed or embarrassed

These reactions often silence people who need support the most.

Being affected by bullying is not something you need to justify.

Bullying Can Happen Anywhere

Bullying is not limited to schools.

It can occur in:

• Workplaces
• Online and social media spaces
• Sports teams
• Families or peer groups
• Community or cultural settings

Recognising this helps reduce self-blame and highlights the importance of safe systems and boundaries, not individual endurance.

Responding to Bullying: A Wellbeing-Focused Approach

This resource does not encourage confrontation or revisiting harmful interactions. Instead, it focuses on protective and supportive approaches that prioritise wellbeing.

Helpful principles include:

• Acknowledging that the behaviour was not okay
• Prioritising emotional and physical safety
• Reducing exposure where possible
• Seeking appropriate support
• Rebuilding self-trust and confidence

The responsibility for stopping bullying never lies solely with the person experiencing it.

Support, Boundaries, and Self-Respect

Support can take many forms:

• Trusted people who listen and validate
• Organisational or professional support
• Practical changes that reduce exposure
• Learning to recognise unsafe dynamics earlier

Boundaries are not punishments — they are acts of self-respect.

When Professional or Organisational Support Is Important

Additional support is especially important when:

• Bullying is ongoing
• Safety feels threatened
• Mental health is significantly affected
• Power imbalances limit personal options

Seeking help is not “making a fuss.”
It is a reasonable response to unreasonable behaviour.

How Understanding Bullying Supports Wellbeing

Understanding bullying:

• Reduces shame and self-blame
• Validates emotional responses
• Encourages healthier boundaries
• Supports recovery and confidence
• Reinforces that safety matters

Education helps shift the focus from “What’s wrong with me?” to “This situation was not okay.”

How to Use the Worksheets

The accompanying worksheet is designed to:

• Normalise responses to bullying
• Support self-respect and stability
• Encourage safe support-seeking
• Avoid revisiting distressing experiences

You may complete it at your own pace and skip anything that does not feel helpful.

A Final Note

Being affected by bullying does not define you.
It reflects what you endured — not who you are.

You deserve safety, respect, and support.
And you do not need to handle bullying alone.

How to Access Further Support in New Zealand:

• Contact your local GP

• Dial 111 for immediate support

 • Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor

• Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP)

• Youth line – free text 234, call 0800 376 633, webchat at youthline.co.nz, DM on Instagram @youthlinenz, message on Whats App 09 886 56 96.

• Samaritans – 0800 726 666

• Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)

• Depression Helpline – 0800 111 757 or free text 4202 To talk to a trained counsellor about how you are feeling or to ask any questions

• Anxiety NZ – 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY)